Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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