Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
