no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
