You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
