just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
