Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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