apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
