We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
