I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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