3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
