Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
