well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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