You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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