i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i dont even know how to be here
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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