Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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