we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
