the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
