well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
