so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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