All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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