I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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