Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
