it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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