I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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