I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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