somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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