well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
