So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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