Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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