I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
