the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Come on in and take your pants off
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