I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
