I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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