I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
