So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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