Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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