Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
