$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm jealous of your bromance
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
