How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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