You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
