lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
