So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My ass is underappreciated
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
