And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
