My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
