How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
