3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
