how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
