just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
the liver wants what the liver wants
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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