at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize