I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
