he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
