i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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