the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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