Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
