Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
