hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
