I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
