Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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