You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think people are normalizing furries
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
