i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
sex in a hospital.. check
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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