Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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