this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
