You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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