I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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