addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
